I like the lighting, but something seems off to me. Being this close to the subject, I'd either raise the camera level wrt her eyeline, or make sure she's looking right at the camera.
I agree also. ; Raise that camera up and move her slightly to either side so it's not so smack middle. ; Those eyes are on fire, though!
and have her blade her body to the camera a little, not as much as 45 degrees, but a little, gets rid of that squared look
I like the framing personally. It is the shadow, on camera right of her face, that seems to be causing me to pause. Looks like there was an off camera strobe or light towards camera left in the pic? This to me is fighting the shadow. Tim is right about those eyes...wow. Try a darker background, something about the green tones and the greys are throwing me as well. Depending on how formal you want the pic, pay attention to her hair too. Overall great job!
I had an octo softbox camera left, which I think I had a little to high because I don't like the catch lights. ; Then I had a soft box behind her camera left to try and highlight her hair. ; Then a white reflector camera right to try and open the shadow on her face. ; I also think a darker background would do better. ; Thanks for the comments. ; This is a lot of fun and Mallory, the model and my daughter, were very patient with me. ; I also like the eyes.
She looks a bit lifeless to me. ; I must agree those eyes are amazing. I ran across this link on Google+ this morning which I thought you might get some useful info from: Rules of Good Portraiture.
i agree that having her blade her body slightly and then look back toward the camera would help as well.
